10. "I was looking at the Sturgis schedule, and noticed that you had a beauty pageant, so I encouraged Cindy to compete. I told her [that] with a little luck, she could be the only woman to serve as both the First Lady and Miss Buffalo Chip." --on the annual Miss Buffalo Chip Pageant, which features topless (and occasionally bottomless) contestants, Sturgis, South Dakota, Aug. 4, 2008.
9. "Across this country this is the agenda I have set before my fellow prisoners. And the same standards of clarity and candor must now be applied to my opponent." --Bethlehem, Penn., Oct. 8, 2008.
8. "You know, I think you may have noticed that Senator Obama's supporters have been saying some pretty nasty things about Western Pennsylvania lately. And you know, I couldn't agree with them more. I couldn't disagree with you. I couldn't agree with you more than the fact that Western Pennsylvania is the most patriotic, most god-loving, most, most patriotic part of America, and this is a great part of the country." --Moon Township, Penn., Oct. 21, 2008.
7. "The issue of economics is not something I've understood as well as I should. I've got Greenspan's book." --as quoted in the Boston Globe, Dec. 17, 2007
6. "Our economy, I think, is still -- the fundamentals of our economy are strong." --Jacksonville, Fla., Sept. 15, 2008
5. "You know that old Beach Boys song, Bomb Iran? Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran." --breaking into song after being asked at a VFW meeting about whether it was time to send a message to Iran, Murrells Inlet, South Carolina, April 18, 2007.
4. "There was an energy bill on the floor of the Senate loaded down with goodies, billions for the oil companies, and it was sponsored by Bush and Cheney. You know who voted for it? You might never know. That one." --referring to Barack Obama during the second presidential debate, Nashville, Tennessee, Oct. 7, 2008.
3. "I think -- I'll have my staff get to you. It's condominiums where -- I'll have them get to you." --after being asked how many houses he and his wife, Cindy, own, interview with Politico, Las Cruces, N.M., Aug. 20, 2008 (Take a Google Earth tour of the McCain residences and watch Obama's amusing ad slamming McCain)
2. "Make it a hundred...That would be fine with me." --to a questioner who asked if he supported President Bush's vision for keeping U.S. troops in Iraq for 50 years, Derry, New Hampshire, Jan. 3, 2008
1. "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you c*nt." --to his wife, Cindy, after she playfully twirled his hair and said "You're getting a little thin up there," as reported in the book The Real McCain by Cliff Schecter.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Obama, McCain and All Hillary Die And Go To Heaven
John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama all die and go to heaven. God looks down from his throne and asks McCain, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”
McCain takes a breath and then replies, “Well, I think so because I was a great leader and tried to follow the words in your great book.” God looks down and then says, “You can sit to my left side.”
So, McCain takes his seat and then God asks the same question to Hillary, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?” Hillary thinks for a second and then replies, “I think so because I have been fighting for the rights of so many people for so long.” God again looks down and this time says, “You can sit to my right side.”
Finally God turns to Barack Obama and asks, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”
Obama smiled and replied, “I think you’re in my seat.”
McCain takes a breath and then replies, “Well, I think so because I was a great leader and tried to follow the words in your great book.” God looks down and then says, “You can sit to my left side.”
So, McCain takes his seat and then God asks the same question to Hillary, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?” Hillary thinks for a second and then replies, “I think so because I have been fighting for the rights of so many people for so long.” God again looks down and this time says, “You can sit to my right side.”
Finally God turns to Barack Obama and asks, “Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?”
Obama smiled and replied, “I think you’re in my seat.”
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
All the networks had their own spin on the debate last night . . . each calling it something different. ABC called it “Dancing Around the Questions.”
I don’t want to say the debate was boring, but I didn’t think a political event could be that dull without the help of Al Gore.
It got a little heated at one point when McCain said that we don’t have time for on-the-job training. Then I thought, “Well then why did you pick Sarah Palin?”
The only really new proposal came from John McCain. McCain proposed buying up bad homeowner mortgages. Not to save the middle class — you know McCain, he just likes buying houses.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs The Campaign Is Getting Ugly
10. Three times Straight Talk Express has "accidentally" knocked over Obama's mailbox
9. Next debate will be moderated by Jerry Springer
8. McCain keeps referring to opponent as "Sen. Barack Hussein Obama bin Laden"
7. Sarah Palin says she can see Joe Biden's hair plugs from her house
6. Desperate attempt to connect Obama to the last eight years of Regis
5. No number 5 — economy so bad, writer putting everything he owns up on eBay
4. They have resorted to "Your vice president's so dumb" jokes
3. Obama claimed McCain's irresponsibility caused the 1929 stock market crash
2. Even Dick Cheney thinks they're being cruel
1. Obama's gloves are off, McCain's teeth are out
David Letterman
Tom Brokaw did a tremendous job moderating the debate. At one point, Tom tells Obama and McCain that they’re going to answer questions that came in over the Internet. And McCain said, “Tom . . . is that the same as the telegraph?”
I think McCain isn’t that great a debater. At one point, he said to Obama, “Hey — if you’re so smart, how come you’re not farther ahead in the polls?”
But McCain did say that two years ago he warned everyone about “Beverly Hills Chihuahua.”
They had the town-hall format. That means the candidates could move around on the stage. McCain looked like a retiree who couldn’t find his Buick.
Conan O'Brien
Last night’s presidential debate between Barack Obama and John McCain is being called flat, boring, and uninteresting. As a result, it’s been picked up as a fall series by NBC.
During the debate, John McCain sparked a controversy when he referred to Barack Obama as "that one." Afterwards, McCain said, "What — like I’m supposed to remember everyone's name now?”
Because of all the international focus on the election, the debate was broadcast in foreign countries all across Europe, Asia, and South America. Or as Sarah Palin calls them — "Russia.”
People looking into Barack Obama’s campaign contributions say that Obama may have received $3.3 million from abroad. And it turns out that broad is Oprah Winfrey.
Craig Ferguson
Most people would say Barack Obama is winning: He’s ahead in the polls; he has ways to fix the economy; and he’s with that gorgeous sex-pot Joe Biden.
But I wouldn’t rule out John McCain, just yet. Obama is like the hare, surging ahead with his ideas . . . his plans . . . his cute little bunny ears . . .
McCain is like the tortoise. He’s thousands of years old . . . shuffling forward, occasionally poking his head out of his shell to go to the bathroom . . .
I did take exception to McCain calling Obama “that one.” I can’t think of anytime it would be appropriate to call a United States senator “that one.” Well, maybe if you had to pick a senator out of a lineup.
All the networks had their own spin on the debate last night . . . each calling it something different. ABC called it “Dancing Around the Questions.”
I don’t want to say the debate was boring, but I didn’t think a political event could be that dull without the help of Al Gore.
It got a little heated at one point when McCain said that we don’t have time for on-the-job training. Then I thought, “Well then why did you pick Sarah Palin?”
The only really new proposal came from John McCain. McCain proposed buying up bad homeowner mortgages. Not to save the middle class — you know McCain, he just likes buying houses.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs The Campaign Is Getting Ugly
10. Three times Straight Talk Express has "accidentally" knocked over Obama's mailbox
9. Next debate will be moderated by Jerry Springer
8. McCain keeps referring to opponent as "Sen. Barack Hussein Obama bin Laden"
7. Sarah Palin says she can see Joe Biden's hair plugs from her house
6. Desperate attempt to connect Obama to the last eight years of Regis
5. No number 5 — economy so bad, writer putting everything he owns up on eBay
4. They have resorted to "Your vice president's so dumb" jokes
3. Obama claimed McCain's irresponsibility caused the 1929 stock market crash
2. Even Dick Cheney thinks they're being cruel
1. Obama's gloves are off, McCain's teeth are out
David Letterman
Tom Brokaw did a tremendous job moderating the debate. At one point, Tom tells Obama and McCain that they’re going to answer questions that came in over the Internet. And McCain said, “Tom . . . is that the same as the telegraph?”
I think McCain isn’t that great a debater. At one point, he said to Obama, “Hey — if you’re so smart, how come you’re not farther ahead in the polls?”
But McCain did say that two years ago he warned everyone about “Beverly Hills Chihuahua.”
They had the town-hall format. That means the candidates could move around on the stage. McCain looked like a retiree who couldn’t find his Buick.
Conan O'Brien
Last night’s presidential debate between Barack Obama and John McCain is being called flat, boring, and uninteresting. As a result, it’s been picked up as a fall series by NBC.
During the debate, John McCain sparked a controversy when he referred to Barack Obama as "that one." Afterwards, McCain said, "What — like I’m supposed to remember everyone's name now?”
Because of all the international focus on the election, the debate was broadcast in foreign countries all across Europe, Asia, and South America. Or as Sarah Palin calls them — "Russia.”
People looking into Barack Obama’s campaign contributions say that Obama may have received $3.3 million from abroad. And it turns out that broad is Oprah Winfrey.
Craig Ferguson
Most people would say Barack Obama is winning: He’s ahead in the polls; he has ways to fix the economy; and he’s with that gorgeous sex-pot Joe Biden.
But I wouldn’t rule out John McCain, just yet. Obama is like the hare, surging ahead with his ideas . . . his plans . . . his cute little bunny ears . . .
McCain is like the tortoise. He’s thousands of years old . . . shuffling forward, occasionally poking his head out of his shell to go to the bathroom . . .
I did take exception to McCain calling Obama “that one.” I can’t think of anytime it would be appropriate to call a United States senator “that one.” Well, maybe if you had to pick a senator out of a lineup.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
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