Obama And McCain Are Jokes: October 2008

Jay Leno

All the networks had their own spin on the debate last night . . . each calling it something different. ABC called it “Dancing Around the Questions.”

I don’t want to say the debate was boring, but I didn’t think a political event could be that dull without the help of Al Gore.

It got a little heated at one point when McCain said that we don’t have time for on-the-job training. Then I thought, “Well then why did you pick Sarah Palin?”

The only really new proposal came from John McCain. McCain proposed buying up bad homeowner mortgages. Not to save the middle class — you know McCain, he just likes buying houses.

Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Signs The Campaign Is Getting Ugly

10. Three times Straight Talk Express has "accidentally" knocked over Obama's mailbox

9. Next debate will be moderated by Jerry Springer

8. McCain keeps referring to opponent as "Sen. Barack Hussein Obama bin Laden"

7. Sarah Palin says she can see Joe Biden's hair plugs from her house

6. Desperate attempt to connect Obama to the last eight years of Regis

5. No number 5 — economy so bad, writer putting everything he owns up on eBay

4. They have resorted to "Your vice president's so dumb" jokes

3. Obama claimed McCain's irresponsibility caused the 1929 stock market crash

2. Even Dick Cheney thinks they're being cruel

1. Obama's gloves are off, McCain's teeth are out

David Letterman

Tom Brokaw did a tremendous job moderating the debate. At one point, Tom tells Obama and McCain that they’re going to answer questions that came in over the Internet. And McCain said, “Tom . . . is that the same as the telegraph?”

I think McCain isn’t that great a debater. At one point, he said to Obama, “Hey — if you’re so smart, how come you’re not farther ahead in the polls?”

But McCain did say that two years ago he warned everyone about “Beverly Hills Chihuahua.”

They had the town-hall format. That means the candidates could move around on the stage. McCain looked like a retiree who couldn’t find his Buick.

Conan O'Brien

Last night’s presidential debate between Barack Obama and John McCain is being called flat, boring, and uninteresting. As a result, it’s been picked up as a fall series by NBC.

During the debate, John McCain sparked a controversy when he referred to Barack Obama as "that one." Afterwards, McCain said, "What — like I’m supposed to remember everyone's name now?”

Because of all the international focus on the election, the debate was broadcast in foreign countries all across Europe, Asia, and South America. Or as Sarah Palin calls them — "Russia.”

People looking into Barack Obama’s campaign contributions say that Obama may have received $3.3 million from abroad. And it turns out that broad is Oprah Winfrey.

Craig Ferguson

Most people would say Barack Obama is winning: He’s ahead in the polls; he has ways to fix the economy; and he’s with that gorgeous sex-pot Joe Biden.

But I wouldn’t rule out John McCain, just yet. Obama is like the hare, surging ahead with his ideas . . . his plans . . . his cute little bunny ears . . .

McCain is like the tortoise. He’s thousands of years old . . . shuffling forward, occasionally poking his head out of his shell to go to the bathroom . . .

I did take exception to McCain calling Obama “that one.” I can’t think of anytime it would be appropriate to call a United States senator “that one.” Well, maybe if you had to pick a senator out of a lineup.