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Thursday, January 8, 2009
Late Night Jokes
David Letterman
Barack Obama wants TV doctor Sanjay Gupta to be the next surgeon general. Wait a minute — isn’t that the kid from “American Idol?”
The decision was hard for Obama: It was between Gupta, Dr. Phil, and a guy from “Scrubs.”
Conan O'Brien
Earlier today, President-elect Barack Obama had lunch at the White House with all the living U.S. presidents. Obama called the meeting “an extraordinary gathering.” In a related story, John McCain had lunch at Quiznos.
Of course, Bill Clinton was the only one who brought a date.
On Inauguration Day, Barack Obama will be riding in a brand new presidential limousine made by General Motors. Because nothing says hope for the future like General Motors.
The Washington Post reports today that Barack Obama wants to appoint CNN’s Dr. Sanjay Gupta to be surgeon general. Obama said the CNN doctor must be pretty good since he’s kept Larry King alive all these years.
Jay Leno
President-elect Barack Obama has named former Clinton chief of staff, Leon Panetta, to be his director of the CIA. But a lot of senators are already criticizing this because they say Panetta is not an intelligence professional. You know, like President Bush.
Conan O'Brien
Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama talked about the recession, and he described the economy as “very sick.” Historians say it was a childish way to describe a complex problem — but still the smartest thing they’ve heard a president say in eight years.
Earlier today, Barack Obama’s daughters started at their new school in Washington, D.C. Their teachers were really impressed and say that both girls are already reading well above President Bush level.
Obama had his first day in Washington today — President-elect Barack Obama says that he got a little choked up as he left his house in Chicago and headed for Washington D.C. It was especially painful because as soon as he left, Gov. Blagojevich sold Obama’s house.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Barack Obama’s kids started school in a very exclusive private school in Washington, D.C. Someone got a hold of the school’s lunch menu . . . for one day, there’s “local pumpkin and sage soup” and “roasted butternut squash.” While that may seem like a bit much for 7- and 8-year-old kids, I was looking over their wine list, and it was very reasonably priced.
Craig Ferguson
Sarah Palin became a grandmother. She’s helping with all the diaper changes . . . it’s like she’s back campaigning with John McCain.
The New Year is very tough on John McCain. He’s still writing 1908 on his checks.
Barack Obama wants TV doctor Sanjay Gupta to be the next surgeon general. Wait a minute — isn’t that the kid from “American Idol?”
The decision was hard for Obama: It was between Gupta, Dr. Phil, and a guy from “Scrubs.”
Conan O'Brien
Earlier today, President-elect Barack Obama had lunch at the White House with all the living U.S. presidents. Obama called the meeting “an extraordinary gathering.” In a related story, John McCain had lunch at Quiznos.
Of course, Bill Clinton was the only one who brought a date.
On Inauguration Day, Barack Obama will be riding in a brand new presidential limousine made by General Motors. Because nothing says hope for the future like General Motors.
The Washington Post reports today that Barack Obama wants to appoint CNN’s Dr. Sanjay Gupta to be surgeon general. Obama said the CNN doctor must be pretty good since he’s kept Larry King alive all these years.
Jay Leno
President-elect Barack Obama has named former Clinton chief of staff, Leon Panetta, to be his director of the CIA. But a lot of senators are already criticizing this because they say Panetta is not an intelligence professional. You know, like President Bush.
Conan O'Brien
Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama talked about the recession, and he described the economy as “very sick.” Historians say it was a childish way to describe a complex problem — but still the smartest thing they’ve heard a president say in eight years.
Earlier today, Barack Obama’s daughters started at their new school in Washington, D.C. Their teachers were really impressed and say that both girls are already reading well above President Bush level.
Obama had his first day in Washington today — President-elect Barack Obama says that he got a little choked up as he left his house in Chicago and headed for Washington D.C. It was especially painful because as soon as he left, Gov. Blagojevich sold Obama’s house.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Barack Obama’s kids started school in a very exclusive private school in Washington, D.C. Someone got a hold of the school’s lunch menu . . . for one day, there’s “local pumpkin and sage soup” and “roasted butternut squash.” While that may seem like a bit much for 7- and 8-year-old kids, I was looking over their wine list, and it was very reasonably priced.
Craig Ferguson
Sarah Palin became a grandmother. She’s helping with all the diaper changes . . . it’s like she’s back campaigning with John McCain.
The New Year is very tough on John McCain. He’s still writing 1908 on his checks.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
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